Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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