Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
