In the future we'll all be gay
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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