can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
