Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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