Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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