I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
