I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
