Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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