that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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