you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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