Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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