I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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