i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
