we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
