it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
