Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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