Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
