Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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