Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
