I am in a vortex of obligation.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
