if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
