Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
