I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
