I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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