I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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