Small penises have feelings too.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
