PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
