U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize