he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome