I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.