There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out