She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can I color on your dick again?
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Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?