If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i think im in europe. pls send help