dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he just fucked me for my cheese.