sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.