He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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