Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
