I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
