I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
