you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
