its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
