i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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