just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
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