Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
