you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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