His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
