He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
