she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
