i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need to calm my uterus...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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