i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
