Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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