Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
