i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
