Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
