How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
