The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
