i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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