Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sarcasm needs its own font
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
