my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
