I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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