i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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