I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
