Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
