What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
