i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
