I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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