can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
BRING THE BAGELS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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