you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
