I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Someone came in the potted fern
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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