if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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