Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
