You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
