tell your sister to shave her snatch
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
