just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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