Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
