my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
