Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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