dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
